a public ponder of life's uncertainties

I am opening up my windows to the universe and letting the fuzziness within my head diffuse a bit.

A brief summary of my evolution of existence...

  1. Chaos and rebelliousness.
  2. Structure and nerdyness.
  3. Not so much structure and nerdyness.
  4. Lack of direction and freedom.
  5. ...?
Realizing my lack of direction in the universe was initially liberating.  I know what I want to do and where I want to be (maybe not physically...), but I don't know how I will get there nor how long it will take.

I am starting to feel like I should be making steps towards my goals, but I am not sure that is what my heart wants at the moment.  Plus, every step I take will ultimately lead me towards my goals, right?

I know that I am young, but I am not that young.  

I am at a point where I need to make a decision about what I want to do and where I want to be during my next year of life.  There are two main options which I am considering...

 - Option A:  Find a stellar job in Europe that would allow me to learn a new language (French, German, or practice Spanish) and gain more international experience.

 - Option B:  Return to the states, study/take MCAT, apply to grad schools, work in the states.

Option A would not only be more beneficial for me and my future, but it would also be more fun and rewarding.  However, it does require getting that "stellar job in the health field," which isn't the easiest thing for a barely bilingual 23 year old American with a bachelor's degree.

Option B would require a lot of work, in addition to returning to a place where I don't necessarily see myself fitting at the time being.  Although it would be the smartest choice if I wanted to 'stay on track.'

HMMM... Just doing some public pondering.  

The universe will unfold in my favor.



  1. although i want to see you again, i wouldn't blame you for staying over there. you have a great opportunity for growth over there and i think it'd be foolish to come back so soon. trust me, you're not missing much in this bullshit country other than sarah palin's new reality tv show. stay there, meet a swiss girl, marry her, and never come back. if it's right, we will cross paths down the road, my friend.

  2. Papa says you will make the right decision whichever you choose. You have a fantastic future ahead of you and you have made me very proud so far.